This is the worse day of my life, for real this time. Worse than the time I had a tick stuck in my ear. I swear it wasn't my fault. It was a big misunderstanding. I never intended to chew and steal the pacifier, I thought it was for me, a new gift! You would've snapped too if your owner brought back one of those revolting creatures, also known as a B.A.B.Y. Man, all they do is cry and cry and cry, twenty-four seven. This baby has stolen ALL of MY attention. How do you think that makes me feel, huh? One minute they're all like aww who's a good boy, who wants a doggy ice cream treat, do you want a belly rub, or a head scratch? What about a nice LONG walk? Then of course "Baby Erk" had to drop into our home. And they just dumped me, that's right, dumped me for that ugly, smelly, poop machine. I'm lucky if I eat three times a day. I used to get Ribeye, now all I get is Filet Mignon, the portion size dropped significantly, as well as the fat content! Uhhhh, I just vomited, thinking about him. You know what I need? A vacation. That would feel sooo good. I'd finally get a break from him pulling my poor tail and plucking my precious apricot colored-fur. Oh yes, my nose would finally be able to smell the sweet scent of roses. I wouldn't be stressed to step in his "acid reflux" secretions. Oh, is that a piece of PB&J he just threw on the floor? You know what, maybe "Baby Erk" isn't so bad? Maybe I can tolerate him? Just this once. No!!! I didn't say we can be friends...don't go putting words into my mouth!

Water to blood. Frog. Gnats. Flies. Livestock killed. Boils. Hail. Locust. Darkness. Death of first born.

Water to blood. Frog. Gnats. Flies. Livestock killed. Boils. Hail. Locust. Darkness. Death of first born.